10 listening blocks to effective communication

Managers are (supposed to be) trained in conflict resolution and communication. Here’s a new resource for you that I’ve been studying these past few years.

It’s a conflict resolution and communication model called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT addresses communication and listening skills, mindfulness, rapport, and Emotional Intelligence (compassion, empathy, and assertive communication).

In a book titled Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, the authors identify 10 ways that people sabotage their effective listening abilities.

Do these listening blocks sound familiar?

1. Mind reading. Assuming you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking.

2. Rehearsing. Planning what you want to say next and missing what’s being said now.

3. Filtering. Listening only to things that are relevant to you and ignoring the rest (even if it’s important to the other person).

4. Judging. Evaluating the other person and what they say rather than really trying to understand how they see the world.

5. Daydreaming. Getting caught in memories or fantasies while someone is talking to you.

6. Advising. Looking for suggestions and solutions instead of listening and understanding.

7. Sparring. Invalidating the other person by arguing and debating.

8. Being right. Resisting or ignoring any communication that suggests you are wrong or should change.

9. Derailing. Flat out changing the subject as soon as you hear anything that bothers or threatens you.

10. Placating. Agreeing too quickly (“I know …you’re right…I’m sorry”) without really listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns.

Guilty???  Not to worry. Being aware of your own habits and these 10 blocks can help refine your skills. To me, the best gift you can give someone is the gift of your attention.

This post originally appeared on GetinFrontCommunications.com.